what if i was smarter? i'd have better pay and less issues.
what if i was dumber? problems would stay out of reach.
what if i was prettier? maybe presenting would be easier.
what if i was uglier? then i'd know i'm unsalvageable
what if i was a boy? i could go back to how i was.
what if i was a girl? the suffering would presist.
what if i was genderless? the questions wouldn't end.
what if i was sociable? maybe i'd be remembered.
what if i was isolated? surely noone would budge.
what if i was neurotypical? i cannot imagine it.
what if i was talented? people would look up to me.
what if i was a multitude? my head could work better.
what if i was happier? then i could tear this website apart.
what if i was an engineer? i'd stop looking like a cretin.
what if i was mute? my mouth'd never say stupidities.
what if i was blind? never to stare at myself again.
what if i was deaf? unable to hear good or bad.
what if i wasn't broken? a better person, a friend
what if i wasn't alone? keeping my layers stitched.
what if i wasn't isolated? spilling blood, crying aches.
what if i wasn't weak? frail, scared and a coward.
what if i wasn't masking? alien and foreign feels.
what if i wasn't frontstuck? stuck with questions
what if i wasn't medicated? healthy and functioning
what if i wasn't unsure? circling doubts, stuck wondering
what if i was dead?
what if i wasn't hurting?
what if i wasn't hurting?
what if i was happy?